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11:55am 29/10/2011
  When all else fails me, depression doesn't  
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09:12pm 23/09/2011
  Suddenly he's the uptight one
And angry randomly

Lol I may have may still have some anxiety issues buttttt at least I'm more laid back
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Fight, fight the dying of the light   
06:07pm 11/09/2011
  Long distance is easy; loneliness is hard. And i'm beginning to wonder
Why am I in a relationship that makes me feel lonely?

I wonder what I should do?

Rush him when I'm burning out?

So he prematurely makes a decision he shouldn't be FORCED to make?

Sooo I wonder

What do I do when love is not enough and timing is everything?
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12:18am 27/08/2011
  Many things -such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly- are done worst when we try the hardest. CS Lewis  
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09:23pm 24/08/2011

Right now, running is lterally maintenance. Making it bearable to put one foot in front of the other
But I'm burning out.
All the distance
the mileage
the strain...

It's all caring and worrying and draining

I am afraid of regretting not walking away while I have the time

Because if I have a daughter
And she has to walk down the aisle without her father...

I can't walk away from that. Right now I can choose when I lose.
09:37pm 11/08/2011
  now that all my pet projects have ended
i can go back to training again.
a year ago, my blood pressure almost disqualified me for a position at the hospital because i was hypertensive. (shocker.) now i'm at 116/68 normal even when i'm stressing (at least cardiovascularly).
i can do calf raises at 210 and push-ups come naturally to me. (i sorta gave up on the pull ups)
i want to do a stair climb competition.
i want to run another half marathon.
i wanna see angel.

and it could just be from how bad my body physically aches,
and how exhausted i am,
or being premenstrual

but i really, really miss him
in a way that results in a box of tissues on my floor.
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07:36pm 27/05/2011
  my biceps are too jacked to fit into the shirts that fit my breasts.

and i'm gaining weight, but it's all gone to my stomach. what happened to weight gain going to the good areas? like my ass and hips!


i quit protein.


and angel is talking about steps. big steps.
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This lie has been haunting me for 15 years   
10:09pm 16/05/2011
  When I was 8, we played an ice-breaker during the first day of my third grade class. I lied and told the class that my mom named me "Kaitlyn" as a namesake for my aunt, Lynn Marie. It's probably the best, most self-complimentary lie I ever imagined, and it's probably the only name you people don't call me.  
10:43pm 10/05/2011
09:55pm 10/05/2011
  My heart has been filled with so many things that it's grown over-sized
but the more i love the more i want to continue loving.
05:44pm 08/05/2011
  They didn't have an apathetic card in the mothers day section at hallmark so I bought her one in Hebrew. Shalom Aleichem.   
08:19am 07/05/2011
  I realized half the reason I say the stupid, insincere shit I say is because the completely absurd could sincerely be twice as likely to occur than anything conventional i want
like my dad walking me down an aisle.

sorry, maggie had me thinking about it
01:49am 19/03/2011
  Food from a truck
Fashion district
Going 105 on 95...
Woke up this morning and ran to the beach
Went shopping at a Russian market
And shot a gun. Again.

My life is an adventure

What will tomorrow bring
12:31am 08/03/2011
  pandora is pissing me off...
i am listening to an alternative indie station
and it's basically playing the garden state soundtrack.
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08:50am 06/03/2011
  the scary part of my personality is that i can pick up weaknesses in other people pretty quickly...
and if i want to keep people at a distance,
or push them away.
i draw on those weaknesses
and push buttons.

and i don't have to know someone very long to do it.

i'm such a manipulative fuck.
09:39pm 17/02/2011
  I thought of giving a blow by blow
I'd only stir the pot more
and I really don't give a shit about the ingredients in the pot
or the mother-fucker with the electric mixer of a mouth in my bowl
spilling bullshit everywhere.

And if you have any doubts about what I'm serving,
look at the history of the chefs.
I'm a minimalist
and this bitch blindly grabs seasons from a cabinet and hopes that adding fuel to the flame will somehow make a dish palatable after it's already been over-seasoned and burnt to a crisp.

I'd rather be depressive and suicidal than paranoid and delusional any day.

My reputation will survive your review because my cooking, my actions, speak louder than your words.
10:12pm 14/02/2011
  How can I be so certain
and you so unsure?


This day is for retards.
For people who buy latex balloons and russell stover boxes of chocolate at wal-mart.

So fuck you and your uncertainty.
Fuck you and your distance.
Fuck you and the biggest bouquet of flowers I've ever seen.
I'll be certain enough
and clingy enough
for an army of men.

I'm the one.
There's nothing to confuse you.

I've got a note that promises a retarded day next year with oysters.

Here's to 2012, babe.
11:55pm 07/02/2011
  he has to be up at four and stayed up late reading Scott pilgrim.
some things never change.
it's preTty comforting.
10:05pm 07/02/2011
  Stupid, ass ignorant editorialist.

09:32pm 07/02/2011
  that bitch buzzed his head
and while it reminds me a little of the alphas that drive me nuts at the gym
i'm excited desert camos are coming into season soon.
biceps for days
and he finally got his internet connected. :)
thank you, ichat.